


Weather Report

by Hemem



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Asexuality, Depression, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:11:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hemem/pseuds/Hemem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes one little thing can be the last straw that breaks the camel's spine. </p><p>As for asexuality, I'm not sure, but here characters are in love without experiencing lust and arousal, and don't want sex, but nevertheless they have many wonderful sensations. My point is, that there ARE possibilities of being in love without sexual desire.<br/>About depression - I'm not a psychiatrist and my depiction of this state of mind might not be realistic.<br/>Terrible OOC for both main characters.</p><p>Final result: read it at your own risk )<br/>And ine thing - I suck at english syntaxis ( so when you see words in italic - that are Douglas's thoughts... and all the story is kinda his POV<br/>___________________________________________________________________________________________________<br/>My greatest thanks to wonderful beta Kispexi2 for helping me with the first and the last chapter!<br/>Anyway, all mistakes are still mine, because english is not my native language. Please, do tell me about all mistakes you'd spot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wind changing to North

\- Yes, Martin, I see how one could took you for an ATC tower, in that hat especially, but I think I'd prefer to rely on our usual sources...

That was, of course, Douglas's way of telling Martin that he isn't interested in his attempt at talking about weather. The final chord in a long stretch of teasing about the Captain wanting to be Captain more than to be paid. The usual sarcasm on the usual topic, but what was unusual was captain's reaction.

His expression neither hurt nor amusing, but suddenly deeply in thought, as if he was doing some complicated mathematics, Martin slowly turned to the right and said - Douglas, could  you repeat what you've just said?

\- I said - was the slow response - that I'm calling tower for weather report.

\- No, not that, your exact words please?

\- I believe that being able to understand what your co-pilot says is crucial in captain, during the flight especially, but if you insist - I think that in your cap you really look like that mushroom-shaped ATC in Beijing Airport. Why?

Martin said nothing and bit his lower lip, still deep in thought.

***

\- Martin, you are a real clot, you know that? Diverting because of anti-icing system failure, doesn't ring a bell? God, even a little warning light can outwit you! Twice! With the same trick!

Douglas observed his Captain's face during that little tirade - which was rather unfair - , and didn't understand what he saw. There was nothing. One could say that Martin was calm, but with calm, there is always some inner peace and good humour that goes with it.  _Bored? Blank? Distant?_ The quite intteligent first officer’s rich vocabulary lacked the right word for it.

Martin looked at Carolyn with some interest, but was obviously deep in his own thoughts. Maybe it was a face of a scientist who looked at his mice or green liquid boiling in a flask

\- Carolyn, I think that to avoid such expences in future we should just spend a bit of money on a proper engineering check - came Martin's voice, low and very polite. – I can’t rely on warning lights that may or may not reflect reality.  
Carolyn couldn’t have stared more if Martin turned green and grown extra heads in the same time.  
  


***  
\- And Skip, here’s the surprise for you, ta-daaaam! – Arthur extended a box with three cheesecakes – All of them!  
Martin observed the cakes. – Thank you, Arthur, I’m not really hungry.  
\- Take them, please!  
With a faint smile and polite nod, Martin took one of the cakes. Douglas felt suddenly worried – Hey, “Skip”, when was the last time you had a meal? I haven’t seen you eating anything today.  
Martin paused. – Good question. Maybe I actually didn’t.  
\- Wow, you haven’t eaten for a day and you don’t feel hungry? That’s amazing!   
 _Yes, amazing enough to consult a therapist immediately. It’s good to be Arthur.._. – Douglas thought. He knew that stuff. When one is depressed, one can be separated from one’s feelings and needs. One prof from medical college called it “Neighbours own the landline”, that meant that you must consult your memory or even notes for information that you used to obtain directly from your feelings: the cold, the heat, the hunger. As if you don’t have the phone, and need to go to the neighbours to make phone calls.  
\- Probably I really need to eat. – continued Martin, almost as amused as Arthur – Maybe it will improve my reactions a bit, I’ve got slower in last two hours.  
  


Douglas closed his eyes. Depressed pilots can’t fly. And any inspection would certainly notice that depression.


	2. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta-ed, so all mistakes are mine. Please tell me if you note some.

For the next week  Douglas observed in silence, trying to figure things out. He was cynical grey-haired Sky God with immence experience in people, especially cabin crew members, especially captains, and very especially - Martin, but he couldn’t understand that new version of Martin. So calm, so inert, so precise in all his actions, decisions and words. “ _Soon he will reply “I know” being asked “do you know what time is it”. As a robot_.”

Once they were flying in the night, and darkness made cabin a bit more intimate, Douglas asked, completely giving up -

\- OK, Martin, I don't know what you're playing in, but it goes quite smooth, I admit.

\- I beg you pardon? –  _He even doesn’t look at me_

\- Stop it, Martin, you must have noticed that you haven't laughed or shouted or blushed for two weeks. What's happen?

After a little pause Martin replied, still don’t looking at Douglas - I can't say what's happen, because I don't know. I know how it felt - you've said something, I don't remember the exact words, but that was something about my defeats, - and in that moment something gave a faint crack inside of me, and I've found that I'm not worried any more, nor amused, nor irritated.  
Douglas listened with mouth half-opened and couldn’t believe his ears. _I only teased him, that was just irony! He is a grown-up, noone reacts like that..._

   
\- World became clear, a very interesting scheme,  - Martin continued. - and I enjoy thinking about things. But people seem quite strange creatures to me now. It must be the way you see them, right? – he finally turned to right, and Douglas was shocked by calm expression on his face – very official, unnaturally polite, very distant.

\- What way? – He managed to reply. - The way "56% of my mice display certain change in their behavior"? No, I'm far from seeing people like that.

\- Ah. – that was very precise “Ah”, that meant exactly “I’ve heared what you’ve said and I have nothing to add”.

Then came silence again.

Douglas looked his captain again... Martin looked older than he used to look, and maybe older than he was. A bit tired expression on his face, blank, bored. Green eyes that used to be like leaves waving in the sunshine, became deep cold waters, still green colour, but couldn't be more different if they became red or orange. The flexible face, always ready to frown or laugh, became a polite mask of a trained diplomate. _Captain's uniform started to suit him_ \- Douglas realized. It really did, and no one had now addressed first oficer as the captain or vice versa. Hands that used to be nervous, and fingers constantly tapping on the consoles now remained calm and so to say, collected, as hands of a pianist who is resting between two pieces. In general, all the movements have became coordinated and smooth.  
 _Am I admiring him actually? That simple can’t be the truth._

\- I feel much less than I used to. - Martin broke the silence. - Even physical pain is now a bit vague, as if it happened with someone else. Not to mention that I must keep notes about when I’ve eaten not to pass away. That time it was unpleasant...

\- I admit that it improved your piloting skills a lot... – tried Douglas carefully. Back in the old days Martin would’ve glowed immediately like a light bulb. Now he hasn’t even smiled.

\- Not improved. – he corrected. - There's nothing in the way now, that's all. I used to think a lot about how people see me, what would they say if I did one thing or another, now I can't believe I've willingly spent my time and put my effort on this. By the way - Martin turned to Douglas, with interested expression on his face, and Douglas shivered unintentionally. - What has changed, from your point of view? Do I look funnier or more dull,or something? You don’t tease me now or I just don’t notice it?

Douglas shivered with understanding that this scientist would inject something not only in white lab rat but also in himself, just to experience the feel.

\- You are a bit dull, yes - he admitted. - I'm suffering enormously when I put such an affort to make my jokes, and get no responce. - he paused. -  By the way, Arthur thinks you're mad at him.

\- Hm. – short sway of eyelashes, and nothing more.

Douglas fell short for words, what happened not very often. For some reason he said him nothing about that fact that he looked older now, more tired, and... a bit scary. Funny thing to imagine, even Arthur can be pictured as a schizophrenic maniac, cheeringly waving the knife, but Martin? Funny, clumsy, childish Martin? And yet, this strong, calm man, not caring for what others say, with that damn sincere interest in his eyes; still red-headed, and tall, and bony, but somehow he has passed from "freckled delivery boy" category to "moving ancient greek statue" category.  
  
Later, in his flat, Douglas lied watching stripes of car lights passing on the walls, and suddenly said outloud - "I miss you". Neither walls nor lights answered. Neither would've Martin, Douglas thought.


	3. "I am not tamed"

Not that Douglas felt guilt – it would be stupid to feel guilt just for an innocent joke; but anyway he wanted to have Martin back.

All the articles and forum discussions accorded in belief that such behavior is a certain emotional disorder, not a genuine indifference. Behind all that cold look and reserved words there is a human being, somehow shocked and numb, but alive – so to say. It was quite difficuilt to believe, actually. So Douglas decided to begin with practice, with finding anything that provokes emotional reaction, whether it's fear, pain or joy. Or sexual desire. _Anything to switch that off_.

Fear didn't work. Certain amounts of adrenaline during some unexpected problems throughout the flight made Martin react faster, nothing more.  
As for pain, Douglas has done his best, next effort would’ve involved physical insult. Physical pain might also be useless, from what Douglas have once witnessed when Martin cut a finger with a knife. The cut was deep and started bleeding sometimes, but Captain's grip on the steering wheel remained the same.  
Joy was much more difficuilt to bring, - but Martin still loved flying, definitely. When he silently watched the horizon, he looked almost normal, if it's normal to be silent more for three hours in the company of other human being. But what Douglas could provide, was only victories in word games, or cheese from cheesetray, or landings – and all that haven’t made much change.

Sexual desire seemed the strong instrument, but few attempts to introduce Captain Crieff to most luscious exemplares of the ground staff or cabin crews of both sexes failed, though a month ago such “fail” could be considered as a big win: Martin showed no interest in other people - outside prescribed by etiquette -, but he's got all phone numbers and even calls. Somehow he learned to be cool, but lost the interest alltogether.  
And that can be understood, really. That unhuman behavior suits him.

Once in a rare moment of weakness Carolyn said that she would've given 5% money MJN is getting now just to have Martin back; if possible without his clumsiness and mistakes, but warm, funny, easy to tease Martin.  
 _And she has the point_ \- Douglas thought - _Now something in the MJN chemistry is wrong. But it seems there’s nothing I can do._

***

\- And post-landing checks completed.  
They were home once again, engines still and all the plane silent. While Douglas headed to the exit of the deck, Martin was already there, and they've accidentally bumped into each other.  
\- Sorry - grumbled Douglas, who was in quite somber mood, and stepped back.  
But captain stepped forward. There was a strange expression on his face, thoughtful, but not that cold interest, more like he was listening hard to something barely audible. – Strange... - he muttered while closing the gap between them and then has put his chin onto Douglas's shoulder, in a slow movement. " _Like horses place their heads onto each other's withers_ "  
\- Martin? - Douglas froze, feeling the captain’s cap peaking his cheek, the warmth of his body, the personal smell, so strange. - What are you... Should I scratch your back with my teeth?  
\- No, thanks. - was silent responce. - It's just... It feels right. - He lifted his head and looked up. - I'm sorry if it's unpleasant.  
\- No, not at all – Douglas swallowed, and before he knew what he was doing, he hugged Captain, carefully placing palms on his back, and they stood still for about a minute. Martin breathed evenly and calmly, as he was about to fall asleep, Douglas trying to remain calm though his heart was galloping, God knows why. Then Martin gently pushed away - That was... – he looked for a word.  
\- Interesting? – Douglas repeated the most favorite Martin’s word for now, it was almost bitter on his tongue.  
\- N-no... not interesting. I would say “important” but don't know why. Thank you.  
And he left the cabin.  
Douglas stood there alone, looking back at that strange moment, recollecting the feel of Martin's head on his shoulder, the smell of his hair, so personal that almost intimate, and how did their bodies came together, fitting perfectly like two pieces of puzzle. It really felt right. And what felt even more right, was the faint gleam of light over the cold still waters in Martin's eyes, some lively movement. - _as if a fish has splashed on the surface_.

***

It was damn strange, but it was al least some plan. Douglas increased the dose of that strange therapy, one by one. Five touches in a day. Seven. Ten. Martin laughed aloud – like he used to, with small grunt noises and making funny face. Duration of hugs went up from 20 seconds to almost a minute. Martin felt hunger. Disregarding any possible consequences, not to mention public opinion, Douglas convinced Martin to stay with him.   
“Help me to move my furniture – Oh it’s too late, stay here – Don’t be stupid, I have a sofa, you’re small and will fit in”.   
After the 5th night Douglas was really tired of inventing new reasons, but Martin came in his own initiative and brought some books he’d borrowed a long time ago.

Those who didn't know better, and almost nobody did, thought now that Douglas and Martin are a couple. They’ve holded hands, stood hugging, and had one personal space for two, so it was really easy to make that conclusion. Douglas didn't care, Martin hasn't seem to notice.  
Anyway, the plan worked: when Douglas held the other man's hand, when he hugged him or simply touched, a strange flow of life appeared, and Martin looked a bit more human.  
Word games were back, and though Martin played so seriously that it took almost all fun out of it, once or twice he frowned a bit while losing, and that was worth it.

“ _Strange how one can look like couple... being this far from being one._ ” There was no romantics in in, or either this sort of romantics was really strange and unfamiliar thing. They both were straight, they haven’t get aroused from quite intimate touches, they haven’t dressed for each other. But there was some sort of tenderness between them that went beyond all experience that Douglas have had in all his life.  
They haven't talked about all that. Martin not seemed caring, and Douglas was in his own thoughts. It was just another habit, to place his hand on captain’s back and listen to satisfied little sigh. To hug him and feel his scent, pure and cold, definitely not sexual. To caress his long fingers and persuade him to start playing the piano, just not to waste this gift of nature. To look at him with weather eye, and sometimes to step back, because there were days when nothing seemed to be able to break the ice.

 _It is like taming a wild animal_ , - he thought. - _like fox. Or a deer. More like a deer, because a fox would be interested in food, and in new experience in general, and deers, like all grazing animals, are very guarded, and they have plenty of food around them. When they come closer, it looks more like a personal interest. Flattering._  
What was a bit annoying, was his own reaction. But not so hard to oppress, really. Just parenting feeling, just helping. Nothing more. And it couldn’t hurt just to look at his profile from time to time. Or to allow oneself to get lost in the moment exhaling the scent of hair. Or to hold breath while touching that soft skin on the inner wrists and feeling cool long fingers intertwining with his own. _Obviously no harm done_.


	4. Torrents of spring

Torrents of Spring  
  


\- Skip is cheery today, isn’t he? – asked Arthur dubiously.  
\- I don’t know, I’m not the one who’s taken course in Ipswitch. – replied Douglas, hardly paying attention. “ _Of course your “Skip” is cheery. We’ve spend a night together. God I still can feel his touches_.”  
\- He’s even shown me some buttons on the control and explained what they do! Controls are brilliant!  
\- A great improvement in our safety, no doubt... – “ _I never spend such a night. Totally innocent and completely insane. I didn’t know he is quite a Paganini in playing on my every nerve_.” – He did what? Arthur, don’t dare to come anyway near the controls.  
\- Douglas, please, it’s so much fun!  
\- I’m sure it is. – “ _If there is a mix of erotic love, parent love, and love to wild animals, I can say I’ve experienced it. Or someone just played with the switch between these. I need to get it out off my head right now or I’ll miss the Atlantic ocean_ ” – Only when two of us are in the cockpit and everything is switched off.  
\- Yay! Douglas you’re the best!  
A short grunt from the door. Martin stayed there, leaning to the door-post, his hand over his face, shoulders shuddering from laughter.  
\- I’m an idiot. – he said, looking up, eyes sparkling with laughter.  
\- It’s usually me who is an idiot – retorted Arthur, provoking the new giggling.  
\- Everyone but me usually is. – “ _I wonder if he even remembers all that. I wonder if anyone knows what’s happening. I wonder if my heart won’t jump off my chest when he smiles like that_.” – Arthur, make me some coffee please…  
\- Sure, Douglas!  
They were alone. Martin approached captain’s seat, looking a bit worried, voice small and uncertain – Hey… I’m sorry… Have you slept at all?  
\- Not sure – smiled Douglas – I’m going to regret this, I know.  
\- I’m really sorry… I bothered you all night.  
\- Hope we’ll get through. It’s only 3-hour flight… Hey, are you here?  
For a second, Martin looked a bit distant again.   
\- I just thought of something I could do for you – he replied frowning. – But I’m not good at it. Yet… Douglas exhaled. Batteries were really charged.  
  
  
  


***  
When  they’ve arrived to the hotel, Douglas managed just to splash some water to his face, pull off the jacket and fall on the bed. When he drifted to sleep, between caffeinated heartbeats and tired numb, he felt something heavy landed to the bed near him.   
\- Mmmph.. – he muttered in the pillow, trying to wake up, but warm soft hand lied on his temple, protecting his eyes from sunshine.  
   
When he woke up, the hand still was there.  
\- Good morning – said Martin, clinging his head. – Glad you’re awake, I can’t feel my left leg at all, and I wish I couldn’t feel the right one, it’s really itchy.  
\- What time is it?  
\- Six p.m.  
\- I’ve slept four hours? And you’ve been there.. all the time?  
\- Yes – surprised look – You’re here and you asleep, I was watching for you.  
Douglas rolled on his back and stared to the calm smiling face.   
\- Arthur tried to intrude, but I’ve thrown my sock at him. He was bright enough to get the clue. Please, can I get up now?   
Douglas shifted, and next five minutes Martin was cursing and jumping on one leg, trying to stand upright and make blood circulation to be back to his legs.  
“Four hours. I imagine he didn’t move at all. ” – Why?  
\- Why what? Damn this leg, it feels like an ant hill interiors!  
\- Why did you .. do... that? “ _Damn, English is a very difficult language indeed_ ”  
Martin rolled his eyes. – Because I did! – he headed to kitchen. - Look, here’s the fridge, and it has something in it…  
  


Later in the evening, Douglas lied and watched Martin lazily stretching in yoga poses on the floor. He has already confessed that he had some problems with the spine in teenage, and sitting job wasn’t helping at all, not to mention weight lifting.   
\- Martin, I don’t know whether to curse or bless the day I said you look like mushroom, but I think I’m anyway too old for all that... – Douglas felt a bit of anger also, something inside him continuously shouted “ _That’s not right! You shouldn’t! He shouldnt_!”  
\- All of? – a light cracklig sound. - Ow, that was good. My poor neck...  
\- Damn it. I mean that my heart still bounce each time we touch and I’m really afraid of heart attack. I see your damn Atlantic eyes every night in my sleep. I constantly mistake people in the crowd for you. I really feel like a stupid schoolgirl, in love for the first time. I’ll buy Hello Kitty bag next!  
\- That I won’t stand definitely... – Martin smiled and lied on his back, relaxing. Douglas felt a bit of anger – he’s just confessed such personal things, and this man can’t take it seriously! – Shut up, I’ll be visiting a therapist soon...  
\- No, you shut up. Please. – Martin made even that sharp words sound tender. His eyes were closed, and his face calm. – I need you. It’s very selfish, but... I know now that I can’t feel anything unless you’re around. Or were around for a certain time ahead.  I’m in a desert and you the one holding a bowl of water, ask for any price. I can behave as your...er... boyfriend, or what suits you.

 _Though maybe nothing could be more intimate than sleeping in his lap, with his hand over the eyes_.  
  
Martin opened his eyes to meet other man’s -  If you want anything I have, anything I can be, it’s yours. I need to be around you.  
\- Damn your accuracy with words. – mumbled Douglas, a bit shaky. Noone said such things to him, not with that sincerity, not with that serenity. It wasn’t a wish, a lie, a “right thing to say”, a “sweet nothing”. _Just a simple statement of  a common fact. Water boils at 100 degrees. Grass is green. I’m yours._  
\- That’s unfair, when one is as simple as a child and as wise as a snake. And beautiful like you.  
\- I don’t like snakes– Martin frowned, rolling to kneel near the bed and putting his elbows on it.  
\- They are difficult to be around, yes….- Douglas unintendedly moved closer, buried his fingers in tight red curls. – God I don’t deserve it… In both senses. - He felt the marathon of goosebums running on his spine as Martin tilted his head, closing his eyes as a satisfied cat and poking the wide palm.  
\- I really don’t understand this… - continued Douglas. – It’s not normal…But on the other hand, “normal” hasn’t worked to me…  
 _And yes, that works really fine_ – he thought, as inner voice of controls and regulations completely muted – Your hair smells like spring forest…


	5. Climat control

 

\- Everyone, listen up. We’re going to New York, JFK, taking a group of scientists to a congress. We’ll be staying there for three days. Those of you who wish to enlighten yourselves on global politics can even attend the sessions. Then we take the same gang back home. Any questions?

 

\- None whatsoever – replied Douglas for all crew. Though for him personally JFK  held some bad memories. “ _Hope those russian guys aren’t still there_ …”

 

Flight went  well and science community turned out to be a quite pleasant part of the human race. They even asked Arthur to convey their compliments to the “chef du jour”, i.e Douglas, who’d been providing hilarious cabin addresses involving the Consitution of France and Zbigniew Brzezinski.  
Martin, by his own admission, was really tired of closing his jaw as it dropped each time he revealed how much his co-pilot actually knew about politics and political science. Not to mention Arthur, who went really thoughtful by the end of the trip, trying to invent an adjective more brilliant than “brilliant”. Carolyn grumbled a little about vital necessity of showing off for SOME men, but was clearly very content with the whole thing, because the Science Foundation was really quite generous. Maybe they just wanted to make up for bad catering during the event, but the price of the flight was paid fully and willingly.

Leaving the airport, Martin and Douglas got a bit lost: JFK is really big.

\- Wait, I definitely know this hall.

\- Douglas, you’ve said it three times before. I’ll just ask someone and..

\- Never ask for directions in JFK! First, staff here have a terrible accent, and they spit at you when they talk. Second – I know where this corridor leads.

\- Are you sure? – their voices echoed inside unusually empty corridor – It looks a bit abandoned.

\- Sure I’m sure. Leads to parking directly.

As soon as they turned the corner, Douglas has heard that familiar voice with  a terrible Russian accent. Then he saw the man he least wanted to see. And he was seen. “ _Oh crap… Not him_.”

\- Oh look who it is! Old friend, glad to see you!

The blond-haired man approached with a wide grin, followed by another four, and hugged Douglas ignoring his “don’t-touch-me” signals.

\- Martin, go and wait me in the hotel. – “ _Please no questions, just do as I say._.”

\- Nobody’s going anywhere – Russian pushed Martin lightly in the chest, with the same friendly attitude, making Douglas feel like a bull shown the red rag.  “ _Nobody has the right to touch him. I wish eyesight could kill. Or hurt. Really hurt._ ”

– And who is your lovely companion? – and a  hand was held out to Martin for a handshake.

\- Don’t – said Douglas only moving his lips, and Martin froze. – Maxim, what do you want?

“ _Do normal  people pass this corridor? Ever?”_

\- You’ve always been so arrogant, but that’s what I like about you, you know that? You’re adorable. I don’t want anything special, just pay off your old debt and I’ll stay as happy as I am now!

\- I don’t owe you anything.

\- Oh I don’t think so – The smile grew wider. – Remember how you failed us with that small operation? Very clever as always, but it did cost us a bit.

\- I don’t have cash on me right now. I’ll try to manage it when…

\- Oh don’t start that shit. – The smile switched off. – I’m sure that someone will be glad to help you, though I doubt that your friend has a rich uncle…

Now they were encircled. And the circle was pretty tight.

-I’ve got an “uncle” but I need to call him, just give me one hour…

\- It’s so sad, but you’ll have to arrange your affairs from here. I know how sneaky you are, and this time I’m going to really hold you close. In physical way also, if you insist.

  
Douglas was interrupted by the feel of Martin’s hand sliding into his… no, into the duty-free bag he was holding, and pulling out the wine bottle.

\- What, do you want to offer us some wine to drink? – The russian smiled- How sweet of you…

\- And should I? – Asked Martin politely, holding tightly onto the bottleneck. Even a quick glance was enough to see his eyes had turned to the colour of a deadly cold sea, and calm face of a sniper. “ _Hell when did it happen…If Max were alone, he’d probably got scared. Really, it’s JFK or a desert?! Somebody…_ ”

\- Don’t bother, really, sweetheart…

With calm and ease Martin smashed the bottle against the wall corner and took a step forward, holding the half-broken bottle in his right hand. The five men stepped back. Douglas felt much like doing the same.

\- Martin, what are you …

The question went unfinished. Douglas hated fights but it seemed that here there was  no other way. “ _There are five of them. We need just to get out of here. None of them is a bodyguard. No guns. Maybe knives. Max is an alcoholic, probably the others too… But there are only two of us and I’m not in my best shape, God I haven’t fought for a decade!_ ”

\- Oh, the tough guy… - One of the gang sounded uncertain – Max, why am I always deep in shit when I help you?

\- Oh shut up, if they want it bad they’ll get it. I’ll just call… - Max reached for the cell phone, throwing doubtful glances on Martin.

“ _They’re scared. They’re five and they’re scared. Maybe we’ve got the chance…_ ”

The quiet click of cocking gun echoed like thunder.

“ _God. Not that_ ”

\- Max, you really have an amazing ability to get into shit – said a calm voice from the other part of corridor. “ _Posh suit, expensive shoes, gun… must be the kind of boss. Gun_.”

\- Oh, boss! Sorry to trouble you, we’ll sort it out… - Max said hurriedly.

\- Like hell you will. Look at that guy, he’ll take one or two of you with him and I don’t need it. Son, put your bottle down.

Martin obeyed. When he stood up, the black gun was touching his red curls right in the temple.

\- Get out, everyone. – The Russian guys obeyed. - Douglas, pass me your phone.

\- Take mine – said Martin, holding out his scratched old Motorola. – His doesn’t work here.

\- And you seem pretty cool guy, you know that? – mumbled the gangsters’ boss, scrolling  down  the contact list. – Ah, here it is. Alpha-dog, interesting. Love Animal Planet. Should I call?

\- No, she’s just – tried Douglas – she’s just a family friend… - He bit his tongue. _Damn Russians, damn Russian mafia, damn “family” connotations_.

\- Hello… How should I address you? Carolyn? Look, Carolyn, some friends of yours are here... – He lifted the brow questioningly.

\- Peter – whispered Martin quickly.

\- Douglas and Peter. They’ve got a small problem, they owe us money. They said to call you, maybe you could help. What? Where… Wait, I… Do you know who I am? – He went silent, brows crawling higher and higher on his forehead, and then he simply took the phone away from his ear and pushed the off button.

Douglas couldn’t hear the answers but could imagine some versions, and felt that he’s on the verge of laughing hysterically. Only Carolyn would dare to explain in detail, where the head of Russian mafia in New York should stick all his concerns and questions, and how deep.

 

\- Well, she seems to be a tough woman too. I don’t know where you met such guys, Douglas, but I really envy you. Now people aren’t the same as in the old days. My bodyguard is scared of hedgehogs. It’s just a pity that today you’ve seen the last sunrise. There was a lot of buzz about that heroin deal and it cost the life of two of my boys, and unpleasant session of police questioning for yours truly. You see what it means, I need my reputation back.

\- Andrew, please – Douglas’s voice trembled. – Let him go, he’s nothing to do with this business.

\- I know he hasn’t. But he’s took a weapon and pointed it at my boys. What should we do? What would you say, son?

\- Don’t know, should I say something?

\- Hey, stop being so cool, it’s annoying.  – The gangster boss waved the gun - I know you’re shivering inside, everyone bloody is, with a gun pressed to their head.

Martin held out his hand and watched it attentively.. – No I’m not.

“ _That’s simply a lunatic asylum.._ ”

\- But – continued Martin – I really have nothing to say. You’re holding  the gun, so it’s up to you. I imagine that it’s a very important decision, when you take someone’s life with your own hands. So I won’t interrupt your train of thoughts. Choose whatever feels right.

“ _What??_ ” – Douglas nearly screamed.

But Andrew seemed thoughtful. Then he grinned – You know I like you, son. Hell with that debt, Douglas – He lowered the gun and locked it. – You know, I’ve become a grandfather today, my grand-daughter is born.I feel that it isn’t right to kill people in such a day. Maybe I’m getting softer…Thank her. Get out, and I’ll go and start the party.

\- Congratulations – smiled Martin.

“ _What the hell is wrong with him.._ ”

The twenty steps towards the exit were the longest ones in Douglas’s life.

“ _Will he draw his gun and shoot? I wish I had eyes in the back of my head. God my knees are trembling…_ ”

\- Hey, you! – sounded like a bomb exploding. “H _as he changed his mind? Oh no._ ”

They both turned

\- Son, have you ever considered joining the Family?

\- Thank you, but I think I have the family of my own – Martin replied. Douglas didn’t know whether to shut him up or to laugh.

\- Lucky family! – cried the mafioso and waved a hand.

  
  


The both were silent in the taxi. Douglas felt a dragging pain in the chest, his hands were rembling  and sweating. And Martin was no help – pale, still, cold. Distant. He didn’t answer much, and Douglas gave in after few “What’s-wrong-with-you” and “that-was-close, wasn’t it” questions.

“ _Maybe it really was my last sunrise. I’m too old for all that_ …” – He placed his hand on the chest and massaged lightly.- “I can’t see him like this again. ”

 

\- One room, please..

 

But when they entered the room, Martin just sank down to the floor, as if someone had taken all the bones of his body, let his head fall back, leaning onto the closed door, and panted fast, eyes closed.

\-          Hey, what’s…

His  lips moved but the answer wasn’t audible

Douglas lowered himself near Martin, and took a pale wrist – God, your pulse… It’s like you’re on speed…

\- I was so scared… - Martin opened his eyes and Douglas saw a waving and trembling summer ocean in his eyes. - I can still feel his gun at my head, Douglas, here – he pointed. – I’m still waiting for the shot… - His whole body was shaking, hands cold and wet, jaws tightly clenched

\- There, there, he isn’t here, there is no gun anymore… - Douglas sat close and embraced the stupid red-haired love of the rest of his life tightly. – I’m here, the door is locked, we’re safe…

\- I know! – came the  angry reply – I feel so stupid! And scared…

Douglas started massaging Martin’s head, trying to wipe out the memory of a gun.

\- You’re crying? – he stilled his hand

\-          Go on! – Martin shouted angrily, his eyelashes wet and sticking together like little arrows – I’ll strangle you if you stop…

\- What a really nice way to ask – muttered Douglas, but obeyed, - A brave heart and a courteous tongue.... -  and slowly Martin got calmer, shaken only by sobs and cries, not that strong spasms that looked almost like epilepsy. When he placed his still wet, but warm hand over Douglas’s cheek, first missing it  and smashing him in the nose a little, Douglas felt like he’s been paid three month salary in one go.

 

\- Why did you give him your telephone? – Douglas bit his tongue, probably it wasn’t the best thing to ask. But Martin smiled triumphantly, lips trembling, and placed himself comfortably, sliding the head down to Douglas’s lap. – I always told you you’re not the only one who is clever here! You see… Carolyn doesn’t have my new cell number.

\- So... she thought it was a prank?

\- Yep. And that’s why I said my name is Peter. Because everyone knows you, and nobody knows me. And I whispered, so that she couldn’t hear my voice!

\- Why on Earth did you decide to protect her?

\- Don’t know exactly – Martin wiped his nose on blue shirt of his first officer. – But it was all so clear in that moment, like a one-way road.

\- Do you think we should tell Carolyn, whom has she told  to go to hell today?

\- Never! She’ll be even bossier, given..  – Martin giggled - given that she can.. can even tell Russian mafia…

\- The boss of it!

\- To go fuck himself…

\- In all positions..

\- that the Kamasutra’s authors wouldn’t have dreamt of!

They both burst in laugh, hysterical, hiccupping.

 

The pain in Douglas' chest was slowly disappearing. Martin’s pulse was a bit lower that the  200 bpm of a minute ago but he was still trembling, as if his heart was beating against his ribcage too heavily.

\- I say, what if we had a picnic on the floor, right now?

\- It’ll have to be on the floor. – was a reply. – Legs feel like jellyfish.

Douglas dragged their bags closer, spilled their contents out onto the floor.

\- Let’s see.. Socks, raisins, a book, oh, that gorgeous meat from Serbia, still edible, a fork, little wine bottles, lovely, more socks – Martin, they stink!

\- Give them here!

\- I’d better throw them out – the socks flew across the room to the opposite corner. – Hey, don’t dare go digging around  in my stuff!

\- Why? Got something dirty there? – Martin giggled. They both were still a bit hysterical. Than he suddenly became quiet, stopped looking in the bag, and got up to his knees.

\- I’ll just.. sit here next to you. – He sat behind Douglas and embraced him, hands resting on his chest, chin on his shoulder, cold nose peeking the cheek. – you stink  too – he stated in a small voice. – Sweaty officer.

\- Then get off me and…

\- No, no, you don’t! Sorry, I didn’t mean that! I like your smell!

\- That was a joke – Douglas rolled his eyes and held Martin’s thin wrists closer to his chest.

\- Some of your jokes are really stupid… - Martin growled and bit the Douglas’s ear.

\- Oh don’t eat me, I’ll give you something better soon.

\- I doubt it. But I choose to have you. Not to eat.

\- Oh I’m relieved… - “ _When did he learn to pay the kind of compliments that explode like slow bombs, leaving me with blissful radiation inside?_ ”

  
  
  


\- Martin, can I ask?

\- You’re asking already.

\- Blast it. I mean… you have been  normal that evening. I mean, you have been emotional, joyful, angry, as always. Like usual. And then you  turned into that robot version. Did you do that on purpose or did it just happen?

\- On purpose. – Martin answered simply. – I’ve found out that I can switch now between those two states. It’s not easy… but it works. And in stress situations, I suppose it’s better to be a robot... and to cry out later.

\- Controlled Schizophrenia.

\- I think we’ll be able to trick the healthcare commission with that..

After a long pause, Douglas thought of one scary thing.

\- And can you do this with...whatever feelings you have for me? Can you stop them?

\- You might as well  ask me if I could jump off a bridge, or drink a pint of paint. Of course I’m capable of all that but I don’t like doing it, not to mention I usually try to have some reason for my actions.

\- This is a terrifying association...

\- I can put it thit way: if I stop being with you, I’ll stop being alive soon. Or before that.

“ _That’s becoming uncomfortable_ ” – thought Douglas, watching his tamed Captain in the glowing eyes – “ _He kicks me speechless for 10th time, and it’s only morning. I’ll never get used to it_ ”


End file.
